The Good & The Bad.

Wow! It seems that each time I post something new here, it's because something drastic has happened in my life. I really would love to keep a current update going here but that's so difficult as of late. The last time I posted here was in December of last year. It's now almost 6 months later, and I am......TA DA! A new mom! And can I just tell you that I have never experienced something so wonderful in all my life. I remember when I was pregnant thinking that I wouldn't be able to do this whole motherhood thing right. I was terrified of the entire process. I was scared to death to go into labor, birth a child, and then care for him the rest of my life. I realize this isn't an uncommon feeling, I'm just letting everyone know my thought process before he was born! And now, he's 10 weeks old and I've made it so far. It really does come alot more naturally than I thought it would. I was worried I wouldn't be able to handle not sleeping more than an hour in a 24-hour period, but that hasn't even crossed my mind most of the time. I went back to work a few weeks ago, and for those of you that don't know, I work overnights. I went back and I was so worn out those first few days, but I remember thinking that I was so excited to go home at 5am and be with my baby. Even if  I had to go without sleep all day. He is everything I've ever wanted and didn't even know it. There is truly no greater love, I feel. Its like experiencing every emotion under the sun all at once. Fear, happiness, doubt, love, exhaustion, frustration, excitement. It's crazy! Someone recently asked me how I was doing, and I told them: "I'm doing good and bad. Is that possible?" Since this is my blog and personal outlet, what better place to share my feelings. The motherhood thing is going great. I couldn't be happier. But when it comes to my marriage, I feel like we're far apart again. I felt so close to him while I was pregnant. The thought of us welcoming our own little baby into the world made us that way. We were excited! And now that we have him, I feel like it's almost back to the way it was before we found out. I understand that we don't have time for each other like we did before, but there's more to it than that. I feel no connection to him whatsoever these days. I kiss him on the lips before he goes to work and I feel nothing. I hate it. And the fact that he hasn't even attempted to have sex with me or initiate any kind of intimacy really just honestly pisses me off beyond belief. It's the absolute most petty thing to complain about, but I really feel like it's the biggest problem we have. We lack a sexual connection. We don't have sex. How can you be close to your partner when they don't touch you, they don't try? You can't. And I crave that more than anything in this world. What woman doesn't want to be wanted? Every single person wants that, and I don't get it. I'm not going to say it's all his fault, because these past few months have been insanely rough on my vagina. LOL. But, it's the thought that counts, right? I thought he would be a little desperate to try again after so long, but I'M the one asking him to have sex. And I'm the one that's going to hurt! That's definitely saying something! I could go on and on about all the problems I have, and what's not going my way right now, but you know what? You gotta take the good with the bad, and right now my good far outweighs my bad.