Drunken Ramblings.

I've had 4 beers tonight. I'm intoxicated. I'm lonely. I'm sad. I'm hopeful. So many different emotions. I think whenever I drink, I turn to nostalgia. Those of you who have been reading my blog know that like 4 out 5 posts on here have been about him. And I'm sorry if it's getting old, or annoying, but that's just the way shit is. Someone who's been part of your life for that long doesn't just go away overnight. Thoughts of him don't go away in a few days, or after you've cried a few tears. Or even a few months. To be honest, I don't think they'll ever go away, but that's just me. It is true that I haven't hurt as much these days. I haven't cried for almost a week and a half. I haven't looked at your profile hoping to see that you'd logged on. I haven't read any of the things that I saved, from you. So, I guess at this point you could say I'm coping. That's the best way I can describe things right now. I don't think about you 24 hours a day, like I did before. Of course, I still think about you several times throughout my day. Little things remind me of you. I actually drove past a business. It was the same business you worked for. Damn, that shit hit me like a ton of bricks. It was crazy. The song, "Anywhere With You" always gets me. Coconut Passion lotion. Your love of running that made me want to start running. So. Many. Things. I'm definitely still not ok with you not being in my life. I've come to realize that all things good, don't always last. I feel like there's a reason for everything that happens in life. Even the horrible things that make us want to rip our hair out, or just lay in bed with tears streaming down our face. In fact, those things are the things that will make us stronger people in the end. Those are the things that build character. Cheesy right? I know. And NO, I absolutely don't feel like I've learned any lessons from all this. Yet. But I'm hoping that I will. There's totally no direction in this post. I was just thinking a lot of different things, and felt like writing them down. Or typing, I should say. It's been 38 days. And they've been some of the longest days of my life. Yes, I count. And yes, I've kept track. Is that bad?