Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Drunken Ramblings.
I've had 4 beers tonight. I'm intoxicated. I'm lonely. I'm sad. I'm hopeful. So many different emotions. I think whenever I drink, I turn to nostalgia. Those of you who have been reading my blog know that like 4 out 5 posts on here have been about him. And I'm sorry if it's getting old, or annoying, but that's just the way shit is. Someone who's been part of your life for that long doesn't just go away overnight. Thoughts of him don't go away in a few days, or after you've cried a few tears. Or even a few months. To be honest, I don't think they'll ever go away, but that's just me. It is true that I haven't hurt as much these days. I haven't cried for almost a week and a half. I haven't looked at your profile hoping to see that you'd logged on. I haven't read any of the things that I saved, from you. So, I guess at this point you could say I'm coping. That's the best way I can describe things right now. I don't think about you 24 hours a day, like I did before. Of course, I still think about you several times throughout my day. Little things remind me of you. I actually drove past a business. It was the same business you worked for. Damn, that shit hit me like a ton of bricks. It was crazy. The song, "Anywhere With You" always gets me. Coconut Passion lotion. Your love of running that made me want to start running. So. Many. Things. I'm definitely still not ok with you not being in my life. I've come to realize that all things good, don't always last. I feel like there's a reason for everything that happens in life. Even the horrible things that make us want to rip our hair out, or just lay in bed with tears streaming down our face. In fact, those things are the things that will make us stronger people in the end. Those are the things that build character. Cheesy right? I know. And NO, I absolutely don't feel like I've learned any lessons from all this. Yet. But I'm hoping that I will. There's totally no direction in this post. I was just thinking a lot of different things, and felt like writing them down. Or typing, I should say. It's been 38 days. And they've been some of the longest days of my life. Yes, I count. And yes, I've kept track. Is that bad?
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Great post. I appreciate how you just lay your feelings out there, rambling, without direction, honest. You cared a lot for that person and it hurts, a lot, that you no longer have him in your life. And you will remember him each day, possibly for the rest of your life if you cared for him that much. No shame in that.
ReplyDeleteYou are very brave to post these feelings. In many ways, these posts show more about you that all the photos you post. These reveal your heart.
Only time will heal the hurt along with finding another, more deserving, to take his place in your heart so be patient it will eventually happen. Trust me.
ReplyDeleteWhen one works out, and makes micro-tears in muscle tissue, the body aches—but the healing that occurs as that tissue repairs itself makes the muscles stronger. And so it is with the heart.
ReplyDeleteHeartache is a pain which makes the sun dull, shadows sharper, and time crawl. But it does heal.
You’re absolutely right about the thoughts never going away—mine don’t. But I assure you the associated hurt decreases and eventually you’re left with—oddly—fond memories, without the accompanying ache.
I think your doing the right thing by getting your thoughts out, exorcising the maelstrom within you. You’ve seen my blog, which precious few know exists. I, too, write for catharsis. It helps. I truly don’t think my last love reads it, and that’s fine. But everything I’ve placed there so far has been, like yours, a way to get it out, little by little.
If you’re curious, have a look at the last entry, One.
Peace will find you, A, I promise.