A Turn of Events

The last time I created a blog post was in July of this year. Wow! That seems like so long ago. I almost feel like a different person now. Actually, in a lot of ways I AM a different person. Was I happy and content five months ago? Absolutely not. Not even close. Am I completely happy and content now? No, not exactly, but I'm far happier than I have been in a really long time. I think most people know my little sob story about the online 'love' affair I was having a year ago, that ended in March. It's hard to believe that I'm over that now. I was so stuck back then. I thought I would be depressed forever. I thought I wouldn't ever get over that. I even thought at one point that it would ruin my marriage. Not because my husband couldn't get over it, but because I couldn't get over it. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. What's kind of ironic is something amazing came out of that huge disaster. I think most of the people that read my blog, also read what I post on Lit. If you're one of the rare people that only knows me from this blog, than you wont know that I'm currently twelve weeks away from having my first child. Yes, I'm about 7 months pregnant! Now back to the irony of all this. After I was contacted by the man's wife, with whom I had been talking to for over a year, I had to tell my husband everything that had happened. This was in the very beginning of June. Me and him didn't talk for days after that whole debacle. A couple days later, we finally talked to each other. I cried, he cried. And that day we had 'make-up' sex. Saying it that way seems to kind of trivialize how cathartic it actually was for the both of us, but I digress. Here's where the irony comes in. That day, was the day that I conceived our son! Crazy, right? One of the biggest mistakes (I see that now) that I've ever made, turned into one of the most incredibly amazing things that I could ever have imagined. It had to have been in God's crazy plan for me to get pregnant at that point in my life. Me and my husband had been having unprotected sex for almost 4 years, and I'd never gotten pregnant until June of this year. It's almost a miracle. A definite saving grace. I honestly think it saved my marriage too. I honestly don't think I've ever felt closer to him in the 5 years that we've been together. I was worried that I would never be able to be a mother, and now I'm going to be one in three months! So, for anyone who's been wondering how I'm really, truly feeling these days? This is it. I'm happy, terrified, excited, overwhelmed. I think I've been feeling almost every emotion under the sun these past few months. It's probably the little guy growing in my belly! The one thing I want you to get from this post, is that I'm happy! No more whining about what happened before, I have so many more exciting things to look forward to in my life! Also, because I'm totally an inspirational speaker, remember that everything happens for a reason. You might not see it in the hard times, and the times when you're down and depressed and want to scream, but when you finally turn that corner and something unexpectedly good happens, you'll know. You'll know that all that crying and tug-of-war within your soul was for a reason.